I would love to tell you my days are spent beachside being served frozen cocktails by a toned and tanned cabana boy who looks a lot like hunky Good Morning America weatherman Sam Champion while doing nothing more than dreaming up topics to dazzle and entertain you on this blog. I would love to tell you that, but, sadly that dream is not a reality yet. The reality is, I have a job and my days are spent desk-side in my home drinking coffee, chugging Maalox and eating Activia yogurt (coffee + stress + age = tummy trouble…enough said) while growing increasingly concerned my work load will prevent me from having anything to share with you.
Good news, dear readers! Despite my busy work week, I have something to share today thanks to some bits and pieces I find oddly entertaining and one thing I find extremely frustrating. If this post sucks, you can blame my boss…that would be me, by the way.
Squirrel-friend: While watching the Biography channel I saw a tiny bit of a show where actor William Shatner was interviewing a man who said the only true love he had ever known was that of a squirrel. While the man was speaking, the camera panned to a bookcase and perched on top was, you guessed it, a squirrel. I found this man’s squirrely love comment sad and a little creepy. From the look on William Shatner’s face he did too.
Hoover Head: Tuesday night, one of our local news stations ran a clip for an upcoming story on their 11:00 p.m. newscast. All I caught from the news clip was “balding man, vacuum cleaner, new hair” and the only thing I could think about was how some knucklehead had attached his Hoover’s vacuum cleaner hose to his balding head and inadvertently discovered a way to reverse hair loss. I did not watch the full story that evening because I was far too busy being entertained by Conan O’Brien and Andy Richter performing a scene from the movie Black Swan (hilarious). The next morning, I went to the news station’s website to learn what this whole vacuum head business was about. It turns out there is a procedure using a machine with vacuuming technology to suck out your hair follicles. Once sucked, the machine then reverses the procedure and implants the hair wherever you want it. The report went on to say the hair can be harvested from anywhere on the body. Hmm, that’s gross and oddly amusing and reminds me of a Saturday Night Live skit I once saw.
A Hairy Situation: And speaking of hair, did you hear that teen heart-throb Justin Bieber has a new hairdo? It’s true. The Bieb has gone from blinding bangs to a tousled locks look. Bieber fans were so upset over the news that 80,000 of his Twitter followers stopped following him. Not to worry, like malaria, once you’ve caught Bieber-fever it can be hard to shake, and by end of day most, if not all, of the Bieb’s followers had returned. I, for one, am thrilled with this new-do news since right now both of my sons are sporting that blinding bangs look. I am ever hopeful that this news will mean a trip to my hairstylist daughter is in my sons’ futures.
Tweet This: Speaking of Twitter, I hate it. Okay, “hate” is not what I mean. What I should say is I’m frustrated with Twitter, because I cannot for the life of me figure it out.
I understand the whole follow/follower thing, which, quite frankly, disturbs me a bit because when I think of a “follower” I think “drink the Kool-Aid” kind of followers. I also understand what a tweet is, but I don’t understand if it’s proper Twitter etiquette to respond to people’s tweets and them to yours? If so, my tweets must be lame-o because nobody responds.
Also, why do some people tweet hundreds of times a day? Where do they find the time? I had to un-follow a spiritual guru and a certain hunky weatherman (mentioned earlier in this post) because they were tweeting every five seconds. It was maddening.
And WTF (what twitter fans) is a hash tag and why or how do I use one?
I just don’t get it, but maybe one of you experienced Twitter users can explain it to me in simple, user-friendly language.
The one thing I know for sure is the next time I get a haircut I’m not tweeting about it because with only a handful of followers (thank you) I can’t afford to lose a single one.
That’s it for today, but before I go just a reminder that the “finish the joke” contest is still open (Two Bloggers and a Ken Doll). Shaving Doll Ken arrived safely at my home yesterday, but he is already eager to blow this pop stand and find a new home.
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